Happy Birthday! Wait, It's Not Your Birthday?
by FireIceWindEarth
Summary: FE7. Eliwood's army has fallen into a anxious and depressing mood as they advance to the final battle with Nergal. Desperate to snap them out of it, Nick the tactician, along with the help Sain, Hector, and Matthew, form a plan to brighten up the army.


Hey there! First Fire Emblem fic here! As you may have noticed this is the first time I have stepped outside the Code Geass area and into another. Funny thing is the first few stories I ever drafted and wrote were all Fire Emblem ones. However I deemed them unworthy and instead moved onto Code Geass where I fell in love with Lelouch and C.C.. However after returning from my home stay in Japan (WHICH WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!) I re-indulged in my love for Fire Emblem, mainly with the help of the FE6 cartridge I had bought in Japan. I beat it, fell in love again, downloaded the FE6 rom and beat it again. Currently working my way through FE7 now and am remembering once again why I love the FE series. The characters themselves and their supports! Anyway this story is mainly humor with a bit of romance in it (SainxFiora mainly). And some good news! Along with this story I have published a whole new story titled Prom Night and a new chapter to my masterpiece The Empresses Wish! Check them out on my profile! As always I hope it is to your liking and enjoy!

* * *

The battle weary troops of Eliwood's army trudged their way over the grassy plains, rising mountains, and treacherous forests on their way to meet Nergal for the final battle. A serious depressing gloom had settled over the army, filled with worried thoughts and anxious fears of the battle ahead.

"We need to snap them out of this." Nick the tactician sighed, leaning back on his chair. His long black hair fell ungracefully onto his face, combed messily to the side. His face, normally set into a cheerful grin was now downcast and serious. Gathered in his tent were a group of people who would usually never be seen together. The woman loving Sain, the cheery Matthew, and the gruff Hector. Nick's eyes narrowed as he leaned forward on his chair, slamming his hand onto the table as he did so. "MEN! I have called you here today because you posses something that most of this army lacks. Can you guess what it is?"

"A healthy appreciation for the beauty of a woman?" Sain ventured.

"Skill with a weapon?" Hector answered assuredly.

"The ability to get into the wallets of everyone here?" Matthew grinned, swinging a brown bag in front of Nick.

"AHHHHHH!!!! WHERE'S MY GOLD?!" A voice outside screamed.

"No. You all posses...A SENSE OF HUMOR!" Nick yelled, standing up so suddenly he knocked his chair back onto the ground. The three men stared blankly at their tactician, wondering if this long war had finally taken its toll on him. "Point is, the mood of this entire army has been depressing and anxious. Not exactly the way a tactician wants his army to feel before going into the battle to save Elibe. So I have devised a brilliant plan to raise the spirits of our companions and get them ready for battle! Minus you three possibly."

Already the three were taking cautious steps toward the tent's flap. "What do you mean minus us three?" Sain asked nervously.

"Well the injuries you sustain from the rest of the troop might put you out of action for a while, but its-HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Nick yelled as the three men turned tail and ran. "I'll use this again!" Nick threatened, his hand grabbing the handle of the Killing Edge strapped to his waist. The color drained from their faces as they remembered what happened the last time Nick tried to use a weapon in self defense. Men screaming...woman and children crying...explosions ringing throughout the area....fires licking hungrily at all they touched...it was a miracle no one was hurt (aside from Serra who had run into a tree in her panic).

"Ok, we'll stay! But if we're going to suffer then what's in it for us!" Hector demanded.

A grin formed on Nick's face as he pulled three papers from his pockets. "I thought you might ask that...Matthew. I have in my hand the tent groups. If you listen to me I remove you from Serra's tent and place you as far away as I can."

Matthew instantly fell to one knee, his head bowed. "My life is yours, my Lord."

His grin growing ever bigger, Nick turned to Hector. "Now Hector. I recently got the papers from our most recent visit to the Armory. You're Wolf Beil has been repaired and is ready. Annnnnd if you're lucky I might also throw in a free Silver Axe!"

Hector nodded approvingly, rubbing his hands together. "Alright, I'll go along."

Nick turned to Sain, his grin in danger of consuming his face. Sain waited eagerly for his reward. "Now Sain....as the tactician I have to buy armor for all our army. In order to do this, I must know the measurements of all our troops. That means I have here the measurements of every female in our army. And it can be yours." Sain stood absolutely still, his face a mask of pure pleasure. Nick looked at him, waiting for a more dramatic reaction. He sighed and turned to Hector. "I think he froze up in joy. Wake him up please." Hector nodded and walked over to Sain, pulling out his axe. He brought it down on his head, smacking him with the flat side of the axe.

Sain instantly came out of his trance and stood to attention. "YOUR ORDERS NICK!"

Nick let out a evil laugh as he looked at his three lackeys. "Now my brilliant plan is...to give birthday presents to everyone in the army!" All three stared at him with looks of disbelief. "Now, I know you may be thinking 'Nick! That's crazy!' But hey! Who can be sad on their birthday!"

Raising his hand, Matthew asked a question on the minds of all three. "What if it isn't their birthday?"

Nick merely waved his hand like he was waving away an annoying fly. "Already got it covered. I'll make an announcement shortly to the army explaining my plan. You three will serve as the present deliverers. Give it to them, explain the present, then get the hell out of there. Oh Sain, you better bring your horse. You're going to need it to outrun the people who you'll be giving the presents too. Now get over here and I'll show you the presents and who you will be giving them too." Nick tried to hold in the evil laughter threatening to explode out as he watched the horrified looks on their faces as he explained the presents.

* * *

"Ah! Eliwood and Ninian! Perfect timing!" Hector said. Walking over to the pair he grunted, carrying a long, round, and wrapped package.

The two turned around in surprise. "Hello Hector. What's that you're carrying?" Eliwood asked curiously, ruffling his red hair.

Ninian let out a shy smile as she peeked out from behind from Eliwood. "Does it have to due with the announcement Nick made a little while ago? About the presents?"

Hector let out an uneasy smile. "Why yes! Yes it does! This one is for the two of you, seeing as you're so close."

Ninian let out a cute squeak and hid behind Eliwood, her face as red as a tomato. Eliwood, blushing furiously turned to Hector. "H-H-Hector!"

Hector chuckled heartily as he set down the present. "Anyway...this is for you."

He said, suddenly becoming nervous again. Eliwood and Ninian began to open the present, ripping apart the wrapping. "Hector...what is this?" Eliwood asked slowly, a vein beginning to pulse on his forehead.

Hector put his hand behind his head, laughing nervously. "It's a pole! You know, seeing as Ninian is a dancer and you love her so much, I figured..." Hector never finished his sentence. There's a saying. The nicest and quietest ones, when they snap, are always the worst. Hector had always scoffed at it, confidently assuring "Who could be scarier than Lyn when she's mad?" Hector was wrong. "OH MY GOD!" Screamed Hector, the strong brave man crying like a baby as Eliwood descended upon him. "IT WAS A JOKE ELIWOOD! A JOKE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!" Ninian looked on in horror. She never knew her Eliwood had a side like this. The screams that echoed throughout the camp caused everyone to stop what they were doing. For one man in particular it caused him to moan miserably and shiver.

"Oh Saint Elmine....what have I gotten myself into?" Sain asked pitifully.

* * *

The three Pegasus sisters all sat together, grooming their winged horses. "Did you hear about the announcement today?" Farina asked.

Florina brushed Huey, a smile on her face. "Yes. Why Farina, are you hoping for something?"

Farina rolled her eyes. "Of course Florina! Hector still owes me around half of my fee for joining this army!" Fiora sighed absentmindedly. Same old Farina, money the first thing she thinks of. Her mind drifting, she stood up and began to walk away.

"Where are you going Fiora?" Florina asked.

"Just a walk." She answered. Farina shrugged and returned back to brushing Murphy. Florina watched Fiora walk away, concern on her face.

"Hello ladies! Oh you two are radiant! You outshine the sun with your rays of warmth and beauty!"

Farina sighed tiredly. Florina let out a scared squeak as she hid behind Murphy. "What is it this time Sain?" Farina demanded.

Sain laughed nervously, pulling two things from his pockets. One was a large brown sack and the other a magazine. "A present for you, dame Farina!" He threw a large heavy sack over to her.

Catching it with one hand Farina screamed happily as she peeked inside. "GOLD!"

Sain nodded and turned to Florina, ignoring Farina who had fallen to the ground and was now roiling and hugging her gold, a soft purr emanating from her. He rolled up the magazine and slowly approached Florina. "May I give you this present. Lady Florina?" He asked softly. She nodded and reached out, grabbing the magazine. Sain began to slowly back up, trying to mount his horse and subtly as he could. Suddenly Florina let out a piercing scream, dropping the magazine.

"FLORINA!" Farina yelled, jumping up and running to her sister. Picking up the magazine she let out an astonished gasp before dropping it. A cute girl in a sexy pose winked at them. A naked cute girl in a sexy pose.

"Since Florina doesn't like men I figured that this would be ok!" Sain said, jumping on his horse as fast as he could.

"SAIN!" Farina screamed, hungering for blood as she grabbed her spear.

"The golds fake by the way!" Sain yelled as his horse galloped away before he could properly mount it. Sain held onto the reigns for dear life as he was thrown about, Farina's spear missing his head by mere inches.

* * *

Fiora walked through the forest without a destination. She watched the fresh dew drip from the leaves of the trees, landing with small silent splashes into the ground below. Continuing her walk she emerged out of the forest into a grassy hill leading into a large beautiful lake. Sitting down she hugged her legs close to her and watched the sun reflect off the water. What was wrong with her? Duty and honor had always been her principles, her life. And yet...She can't help but feel those slipping away when she was with him. The way he laughed, the way he would compliment her every day, the way he threw himself into danger just to protect her, the way he made her feel! She had never felt like this before; she was confused, worried, and she couldn't deny it any more...She was in love. And it was all because of this man! It was all because of...

"Lady Fiora! What are you doing here?" A voice asked.

Fiora spun around, the words already leaving her lips."Sain!" Sain stood at the top of the hill, looking down worriedly upon Fiora. The sun shone brightly of his polished green armor and his messy brown hair swayed gently in the wind. He slowly made his way down the hill, sitting next to a now blushing Fiora. "Hello Sain." Fiora murmured, hugging her legs closer to her body. She felt so awkward!

"Lady Fiora, why are you not feeling well? Your sadness tears my heart into a thousand pieces! Would you share with me the cause of your discomfort?" He asked, putting his hand on hers.

Fiora turned her head to look at Sain. His deep chocolate eyes radiated concern as they stared into hers. An unhappy and sympathetic frown begged with her to share the reason behind her feelings. His strong and callused hands, capable of breaking bones and shattering wood, were placed gently on top of hers as if he were handling a delicate flower. "I don't know Sain...Everything I thought I lived for has been turned upside down! I'm so confused." She said, leaning into Sain. Without a word Sain wrapped his arms around Fiora, pulling her close. She closed her eyes, enjoying his warmth and the rhythmic beat of his heart. Was it just her, or was it beating faster than normal? Sain softly stroked her teal hair, enjoying the feel of the silky smooth strands slipping through his fingers. They held this position for a while, enjoying each others warmth.

"I think it's time for me to go, Fiora." Sain whispered. Fiora nodded and they parted, her face flushed. "Oh, Lady Fiora, I need to give you your present." Sain said, reaching into his pocket.

She gently put her hand on his, smiling. "It's okay Sain. You already gave me one."

Sain and brought her hand up to his mouth, gently kissing it. "Like the heroic Knight I am, I must now ride into the sunset! But fear not Lady Fiora, I shall return!"

Fiora merely sighed and turned around, waving him away. "Oh go already you big dramatic." A hearty chuckle escaped from Sain as he stood up and left. Behind him Fiora closed her eyes and smiled, feeling perfectly at peace now. She noticed something on her sleeve. She picked it up, giving a small gasp as she saw it. An Ilian Rose. Instead of the blood red petals of a normal rose the petals were a faint grayish blue. There were no thorns and instead of giving the feeling of both danger and beauty like a normal rose, it gave off a feeling of both delicacy and strength. A beautiful fragile looking flower that survives in the harshest region of Elibe...

"Like you..."

Fiora spun around. Only the wind answered, carrying his words upon its breeze. "Thank you, Sain."

* * *

Matthew gulped nervously as he approached Serra who sat in her tent, polishing her Mend staff. "Hello, Serra." Matthew said nervously poking his head into her tent.

"Matthew! I've been waiting for someone! Where's my present! I've already asked Wil!"

Matthew looked into the corner of her tent to find Wil rocking back and forth in a fetal position. "I don't have a present, I don't have a present, I don't have a present, I don..." Matthew wisely decided this would be the best time to give him a present. Looking around the room he grabbed a nearby blanket and gave it to him. "Mommy!" Squeaked Wil as he grabbed the blanket and resumed his fetal position.

"Now Matthew, what is my present?" She asked, leaning forward, her face nearly touching Matthews. Her eyes stared unflinchingly at Matthew as she waited expectantly for an answer. Matthew sweated nervously as Serra drilled a hole through him with her eyes.

"Here!" He said, pulling the present out.

She grabbed it excitedly, staring at it. "It's amazing Matthew! What is it?"

Matthew coughed politely, inching towards the exit. "Umm, it's a muzzle."

Serra stared at it for a few seconds, then at Matthew, then back at the muzzle. "Matthew...Does this mean what I think it means?" Matthew opened his mouth, the words deserting him. "You want to get a dog when we get married?"

Matthew stood there in shock. "What?" Serra threw her arms open and jumped at Matthew.

"Ok Matthew! We'll get a dog!" She landed with a splat on her face, Matthew already half a mile away.

* * *

Hector limped over to his next targets. Lyn and Kent were sparring like they did every afternoon. Their swords glimmered in the afternoon sun as they fought. Lyn twisted her body to avoid Kent's strike and countered with an upward slash. Kent brought his sword back down, deflecting it with a loud clash. Taking advantage of the temporary position Lyn's sword was in he thrust forward. Hector had to admit both of them were exceptional. "Hey, you two!" He yelled.

Lyn and Kent stopped sparring and turned around. "Oh my god Hector?! What happened to you?!" Lyn gasped, raising her hands to her mouth in shock. Kent grimaced as he saw the wounds on Hector. The man must be in unbearable pain.

"I have...some gifts for you two!" Turning to Kent, Hector grinned. "Words of advice from our wise tactician Nick....Tell the woman you love her already! It's as obvious as can be you like her."

Lyn raised an eyebrow and turned to Kent, who had began to stutter and blush furiously. "Kent, you like someone?"

He began waving his hand wildly, glancing at Lyn. "N-No! My lady, don't listen to Hector! He's obviously out of his mind as you can see!" Lyn narrowed her eyes as she stared at Kent.

"Oh Lyn. Here's you present." Hector gave Lyn a folded piece of paper.

She unfolded it and scanned its contents. Hector began to limp away as fast as he could. "HECTOR! WHAT IS THIS?"

Hector let out a scared squeak and began to limp even faster. "It's a list! 101 ways to express your anger without using your sword! Since you seem to have an anger pro-" Lyn grabbed Hector's arm and dragged him over, ignoring his pleas and sobs.

"LYN!" Kent yelled, running over. "Put down the sword!"

"LISTEN TO THE MAN!" Hector yelled desperately! "Listen to th-AHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Sain shuddered as he walked over to the lone man sitting by the fire. Taking each step was amazing effort, and his companions looked on in amazement as he did so.

"Sain! DON'T DO IT! YOU CAN'T DIE!" Guy begged, grabbing onto Sain and trying to drag him back.

With a mighty tug Sain pulled loose and turned around. "Tacticians orders." Sain smiled weakly. With a display of courage unseen in this world, he sat down. "Hey there Karel. It's time for your present! A conversation with...m-m-m-me! What....What's going on?"

Karel turned around slowly, staring Sain into the eyes. Sain swore that he saw the man lick his lips. "You are Sain? I have been watching you fight...A worthy opponent indeed..."

Sain broke out into a cold sweat as he laughed nervously. "Oh..Y-Y-You must be mistaken! I'm a horrible fighter actually...I couldn't even kill a butterfly if I tried! You're listening, right Karel? Right? KAREL! LISTEN! I'M BAD! I'M HORR-" Sain let loose a terrified scream as Karel dove upon him, grabbing a nearby stick. The faces of everybody gathered nearby turned white as they witnessed the horrible spectacle unfolding in front of them. Bartre whimpered like a scared puppy and hid his face behind his hands, running away.

Guy moaned, holding his stomach. "I think I'm going to be sick..."

Rebecca collapsed to her knees, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Sain...You're a hopeless flirt, annoying, and a bit of a loon...But you can't die yet!"

After a few minutes of the gut wrenching spectacle, Karel stood up, throwing the bloodied stick away. "I expected more from you...I suppose I'll have to challenge you again sometime."

With that the bloodied man walked away...a Kick Me sign attached to his back. Everyone rushed over to Sain, who lay unmoving, bloodied, and twisted in an awkward angle. "No measurements are worth this...." They heard him moan.

* * *

Matthew smiled happily. Compared to Hector and Sain, his people were typically nice and non-violent. However, he did happen to get the biggest headaches.

"Why, hello Bartre." Matthew said cheerfully as he approached the man.

Bartre who was eating lunch at the time with others, turned around. "Hewoo!" Bartre said, spitting food everywhere.

"Right." Matthew muttered, wiping a wad of meat and spit from his cheek. "Bartre, today, YOUR present is...a puzzle book!" Matthew placed the book on his lap.

Bartre looked at it in confusion. "Matthew, this is the type of book one gives to a small child." Lowen pointed out.

"I know. Oh and here's your present Lowen." Matthew said, skilfully throwing a pair of scissors toward Lowen.

With a thunk they landed impaled into the ground in front of him, quivering. "NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lowen screamed, standing up and running away as fast as he could.

Matthew merely shrugged and turned back to Bartre. "I'll cut his hair another time. Now Bartre, it's time for education!"

Bartre frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "I hate edumicatin." He moped.

Matthew ignored him and opened the book, turning it to the connect the dots page. "Now Bartre, using the quill I've given you, I want you to follow the dots as they are numbered. Good luck!" Bartre picked up the quill and began.

"Bartre, why are you starting at 14?" Marcus asked.

"I know how to count! 14, 6, 43 ,6, 1 ,64, 35...HEY! There's no 43 here!" Bartre yelled.

Matthew sighed and gently took Bartre's hand. "Bartre. You count like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9...." Nodding understandably, Bartre sat back down and returned to work. Placing the pen on the 1 dot, he began to draw a line. "Yes...yes...yes!" Matthew murmured excitedly as he watched the line make its way toward the number 2 dot.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!" Bartre suddenly yelled, grabbing his axe and slicing the book in half. "THIS IS HARD! BARTRE HEAD IN HURT! ANGRY!" Marcus and the others rushed forward to restrain Bartre as he tried to chop Matthew. Matthew thanked them quickly and without a second thought took off.

* * *

And here's the end! I'll probably finish this sometime later, as I have quite a few characters I haven't used yet. Sadly I think I've gotten the best characters in this chapter =(. Anyway as always R/R. It's been more than a YEAR since I have wrotten a fanfic so I would love any helpful reviews or things you noticed. Don't forget to check out my other 2 updates, Prom Night and the Empresses Wish (Shameless Self Advertising!).


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